My Wacky Landmine Adventure

[Kapitanium]

I recently had a wacky (real life) landmine adventure that I think one or two of you may find interesting.

It began when I found a website that was selling discount landmines. I had never owned a landmine nor did I know anyone who did, so naturally I purchased one!

It was advertised as an inert Bulgarian TM-62M anti-tank mine. My plan was to keep it around the house for those countless times when owning a landmine comes in handy (doorstop, in-laws, etc etc). After I ordered it I got distracted with life and forgot about it. Then last week I got an email titled 'TM-62M Mine Recall' that read:

We have been advised by postal service inspectors to inform you of the following.

It has been discovered that the landmines have a chance to still contain primers in the fuse, as well as a secondary charge in the base of the threads. There will be more detail on this further in the email:

• Thursday night there was an incident with a TM-62M landmine at the MSP airport.
• This triggered an investigation with us involving postal service investigators, Police bomb squads, FBI, and Airforce EOD.
• Place the mine in a safe place where it will not be disturbed.
• They recommend you contact your local police department to handle inspection of the mine.
• We supplied the FBI and United States Postal Service with the name, address, and tracking number of every mine that we have sold.

Well since my landmine hadn't arrived I assumed they canceled the order and wasn't worried. But the next day when it DID arrive, I was somewhat concerned about the FBI showing up at my door (only because I'd never hear the end of it from my wife), but more than that I was thrilled because I was the proud owner of a landmine!



In subsequent emails from the vendor, it appears that these mines are 100% safe and LEGAL to own, but when one fell out of a bag somewhere, some panic-prone individual completely overreacted and called the cops. I was never contacted by anyone but others weren't so lucky and lost their mine forever (they'd probably just waste it at F instead of putting it to work at ABC anyway, the newb).

 

[BuckshotCreampie]

Just don't put it down anywhere on Golmud. Somehow, sometime, a dumbass teammate is going to run over it and blow himself up.

 

[bebops-ghost]

Sounds like a pretty cool lawn decoration.

 

[jsimpson32]

Dannnnnng

 

[Talk2dabullet]

Shit should get some and put it in my front yard just in case someone decides to jump the fence.. lol!

 

[TheKoreanBaby]

Unsettling stuff. I know if I had any explosives of any kind it would go over about as well as, say, claymores in Hardcore.

But if I did order something fun (for once) and got an email of that nature and (reasonably, rightly) feared spousal grief, I might have gone all prenuptial on that ass: "So, um, quick update on the legal status of our property: what's yours is yours, baby, and well ... what's mine is ... potentially gonna land the Feds on our doorstep. But I got this. There's a receipt and they've got a very generous return policy."

That reminds me of the time my family was on vacation in South Carolina and I decided to buy fireworks while we stopped for gas. 12 years old. Good times, until they made me return them. I think my dad sprinkled in some thorny legal words that helped smooth that transaction.

Dang, Kapitanium. Crazy story. Just glad you're safe.

And yet your purchase makes me think of the broadly accurate quote from Pascal: "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

But sometimes we do have to scratch that itch, now, don't we?

 

[whitefish21]

So much of this story cracked me up, especially this:

I had never owned a landmine nor did I know anyone who did, so naturally I purchased one!

I'm Fucking Dying Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flame:

And um, If I saw some dude accidentally "expose' his landmine you better fucking believe im calling law enforcement. You can't walk 15 feet in NYC without seeing a sign that says "If you see something, say something"